remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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