Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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