If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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