Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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