Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
