Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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