also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
