I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
