if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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