Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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