She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
