spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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