At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
