You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
