I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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