I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
