I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
