i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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