That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
