he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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