If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
