Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
