barbara walters just said penis...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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