can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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