At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
