I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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