I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i've created a new STD.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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