Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
