areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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