I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
