Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we should paint friendship bongs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
