i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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