I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
