I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dick very happy bro
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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