4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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