i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
