In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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