The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
