Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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