Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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