hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
