woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
