we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There's even glitter on my cock...
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