You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
