Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
