My cat gives me a boner
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
