the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
