Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
