Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
