If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
